its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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