Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
