Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
