I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
