Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
