It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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