he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
