I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
