I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
