I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
