K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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