God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
