we're chasing vodka with high fives
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
