Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
