omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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