so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
