he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
