Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
