I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
