It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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