all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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