my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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