my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
