wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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