I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
