Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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