I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
