let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
