there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
