whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
