if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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