yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
