Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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