Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
