Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
