i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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