Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
