At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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