i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
