I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
