I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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