I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
