Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I am naked and annoyed.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
