I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
