U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
