You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had sex on a roof
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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