It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
