I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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