i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
