p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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