so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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