When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
