listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize