I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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