I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
