why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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