We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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