I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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