I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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