Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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