why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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