Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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