how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
