i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
