I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
